letters to kepler

Dear Mika,

I feel indifferent toward the smell of rain, though I am struck with wonder when I pick up on the suggestion of rain, when it hasn’t come but the scent wafts forward on the wind. So maybe not so indifferent. But I prefer to watch the rain fall in heavy droplets or feel it against my forearm, outstretched from beneath sturdy shelter, instead.

As for what looms ahead of you, I agree not everything needs to be ruthlessly plucked, though I appreciate why we sometimes want to grab our things by the handful and throw them out for some piece of mind. I especially understand why you want to, and assure you that whether you go fast or slow you will reach the finish line eventually.

I guess it’s important to take our time. You know, for rest and all.

I am reminded of that as my free Friday has become so much less about getting the practical things done (the dishes, my laundry, decluttering my bedroom) and more about enjoying masterfully crafted Downton Abbey AUs and a few good rounds of Dress to Impress.

I woke up with the worst nausea I’ve felt in a while, and aches from my shoulders up, a migraine swirling in my head with a vengeance. It’s taken until about now, when the sun looms low on the horizon, for the Tylenol and Tums and water and food to make any progress on improving my physical state.

Maybe all that anxiety I had been carrying finally coiled up like a storm and exploded inside me. Maybe that means after today, it’ll settle.

After all, today has still been very good, even if my body has moved slowly.

I have you to thank for that. We live a world apart (or, at least, it sometimes feels like that), but little feels more like home than our conversations, than existing in the same space just to keep each other company while life ticks on, ever forward.

While I’m forced to recuperate, these are the things that have made me feel healthier:

Being nurtured by the crackled sounds of Gershwin and Heathers: The Musical and everything in between;

Feeling reinvigorated over Downton Abbey and (hilariously) drawn back into the mindset of “nostalgia” after slowly inching away from it this week;

Our friendship lamps, even when they aren’t lit up with the colors of the rainbow;

A fresh cup of ice water in my Wonder Woman mug;

Your interpretation of Linguini and Remy on Dress to Impress (I’m still laughing);

The particles that make up my body, and how despite my doing something to upset them (like eating foods I probably shouldn’t eat), the little cells look after me and make me feel as well as they can.

I thank God for that. For the little bits that make up my body, and the little bits that make you up too, or the walls that shelter us, or the signals that connect me to you in as many ways as we stay connected when we’re this far apart.

I thank God for you.

And for a decent Friday filled with rest and creativity, even with all the less comfortable things still lingering on our minds. We’ll get to them eventually.

Always,
Becca